Indiana Jones and the Horde of Internet Douchebags

I love the Indiana Jones films. All four of them.

They never break new ground, but they’re not supposed to. Indiana Jones is to action movies what Kill Bill is to Kung Fu movies. A large-budget homage to genre film. 

Most everyone I’ve talked to about this movie has the completely wrong idea. Most of their complaints are that they think monkeys with pompadours, refrigerators, and aliens are implausible.

But, seriously, is the Ark of the Covenant real? How about the mystical Sankara Stones? What about the Holy Grail? That’s what I thought.

This is Lucas and Spielberg’s attempt at creating a modern day adventure serial. You know, Flash Gordon and Tarzan. Swordfights, villains, treasures, etc. This new movie has that all in spades. It’s great. Why would you expect realism from Indiana Jones? It’s never had it, and it never will.

Overall, I think people want to hate the movie. We were all burned by the new Star Wars movies. We don’t want to see our childhood drug out of the closet, cleaned up with computers, and put up for sale. This shit is sacred, godammit.

Let’s face it, part of why we liked the first ones so much is that we saw them when we were kids. You wouldn’t be nearly as excited about this movie if you were 25 when Raiders came out. 

We all know about things that were once great and came back to us later in sorry shape. Star Wars, The Smashing Pumpkins, Metallica, Paul McCartney, Aliens Vs. Predator, etc. I think it’s gotten to the point now where we just expect this kind of thing to suck.

I wanted it to be awesome, and it was just what I wanted. I’ve seen it twice already. I love dark caverns, ancient temples, and waterfalls. 

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